Radicals!

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Radical
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Radicals!

Postby Radical » Sat Jul 11, 2009 9:55 am

(not really based on a M&M campaign, but I want to know what you guys think.)

RADICALS
"IN THE BEGINNING"

PAGE ONE

Panel One: Ext. shot of hospital. Includes sign saying "St. Thompkins Hospital".

CAPTION: One year from now:

VOICE (o.s.): AAAAAAA!!

Panel 2: Shot of a delivery room, with doctors trying to deliver a baby from Stephanie McMahon. She's in her late twenties/early thirties, and obviously in pain (and it's making her cranky). The doctor(s) should be arranged as tastefully as possible.

STEPHANIE: They shouldn't call this "giving birth", they should call it an exorcism!

STEPHANIE: Get this damn thing out of me!

DOCTOR: We're doing the best job we can, Mrs. McMahon. We've almost got it...

Panel 3: Blurred shot of the baby flying out.

DOCTOR (o.s.) Whoops!

STEPHANIE (o.s.) Oww!

Panel 4: (This might be pushing the boundaries of good taste a little.) The baby hits the floor. We can see the umbilical cord. Everything else is up to the artist's imagination and, again, judgment of taste.

DOCTOR (o.s.): Omigod! The baby's hit the linoleum!

STEPHANIE (o.s.): My baby! My baby's...

Panel 5: Back to Stephanie on the table and the doctor. Both are looking surprised and confused.

STEPHANIE: ...alive?...

DOCTOR: That's impossible...judging from how hard he fell, the baby should have broken something.

DOCTOR: But instead...

PAGE 2

"Splash" page of the baby lying in a crater, crying his eyes out.

DOCTOR: ...the floor broke.

SFX: WAAAAAAAAAA

LOGO: RADICALS

TITLE: IN THE BEGINNING...

CREDITS: Writer: Timothy Shanahan Artist: ?????

PAGE 3

Panel 1: Ext. shot of a school.

CAPTION: Ten years from now:

CAPTION: "The student's name is Sharizad Kashmira Raschim. She's nine years old, and an American-born Muslim."

Panel 2: The inside of a school psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist, Mrs. Donnely, is a pleasant enough-looking middle-aged woman, and there is also a young Arabic girl in a headscarf. They are seated at opposite ends of a table.

CAPTION: "While praying at a mosque last Friday, she complained of hearing the other attendants' thoughts."

CAPTION: "Today she's undergoing an evaluation."

MRS. DONNELY: All right, Sharizad, I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to answer whether they're true or false.

SHARIZAD: Okay.

Panel 3: Medium close-up of Sharizad's face. She's mostly curious.

MRS. DONNELY (o.s.): The Earth is round.

SHARIZAD: True.

MRS. DONNELY (o.s.): The sky is yellow.

SHARIZAD: False.

Panel 4: Close-up on Sharizad looking particularly thoughtful.

MRS. DONNELY (o.s.): Ice cream is sweet.

SHARIZAD: True.

MRS. DONNELY (o.s.) I can move objects without touching them.

SHARIZAD: ...

Panel 5: Sharizad's hand in from off-panel, closed in as if holding an imaginary object. We see Mrs. Donnely's coffee cup shake.

PAGE 4

Panel 1: The coffee cup is beginning to rise. We see Sharizad's face, a mask of concentration, in the background.

Panel 2: The coffee cup is floating in front of Mrs. Donnely, who looks like she's about to go catatonic.

SHARIZAD (o.s.): Is the answer still "False", Mrs. Donnely?

Panel 3: This should take up half the page. Mrs. Donnely's fainting out of her chair. Sharizad looks confused and concerned.

SHARIZAD: Mrs. Donnely...?

PAGE 5

Panel 1: Ext. shot of the Domingo residence. It's a middle-class home: not exactly a mansion, but not a stereotypical "barrio" home either.

VOICE (o.s.): Hola, Casa de Domingo.

Panel 2: Maria Domingo is answering the phone in the kitchen.

MARIA: Senora Alvarez? Como estas?

MARIA: Bueno, gracias.

MARIA: Carlos? Excellente...

Panel 3: A robotic module enters the room. It has metallic arms and legs, and there is a "cockpit" containing a nine-year-old Hispanic boy. The boy seems to be born without arms and legs, and has wires cybernetically attaching him to the machine by the back of his neck.

MARIA (o.s.): ...The robotic body he helped design is a tremendous help.*

FOOTNOTE: *Translated from Spanish.
Last edited by Radical on Tue Feb 23, 2010 1:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Radical
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Re: Radicals!

Postby Radical » Sat Jul 11, 2009 9:58 am

PAGE 6

Panel 1: A video screen image of a pen floating in front of Sharizad. She has a slight look of concentration on her face.

CAPTION: Twelve years from now:

SHARIZAD: (electronically recorded voice) I don't know, exactly, how I do it.

SHARIZAD: (ditto) Sometimes, when I think really hard about something, it happens. I like to think of it as Allah, or one of His angels, answering my prayers.

Panel 2: Two pensive-looking scientists are watching the television. One, Dr. Elizabeth Sanger, is a redhead who's starting to get long in the tooth. The other is Sharizad's father, Dr. Jaffar Raschim, a man in his mid-thirties.

TV: Of course, if that offends you, you could say it's more like a genie granting my wishes.

TV: Though personally, I think that's racial stereotyping.

DR. SANGER: Hmm...

Panel 3: Side view of the two doctors.

JAFFAR: When she first complained about hearing the other worshippers, I thought it was some kind of psychological problem.

DR. SANGER: And instead, it turned out to be parapsychological.

DR. SANGER: Your daughter seems to be a true telekinetic, Dr. Raschim. Quite possibly a telepath as well, and God knows what else.

Panel 4: Bird's-eye view of Dr. Sanger. She has a dismissive expression on her face.

JAFFAR (o.s.): I hope it is God behind her talent, and not the other fellow.

DR. SANGER: Well, that depends on how she uses it, doesn't it?

DR: SANGER: Anyway, it was a figure of speech, Dr. Raschim. Don't get bent out of shape over it.

Panel 5: We see, from Dr. Sanger's POV, a photograph of Stephanie McMahon's young son, the baby we saw born. He's brown-haired and wearing glasses.

DR. SANGER: Although...I'm reminded of being informed by a doctor, eleven years ago, of another person born with an unusual talent.

PAGE 7

Panel 1: We see the boy, Michael "Mike" McMahon. His glasses have been broken and his clothes are rumpled. Other than that, he's none the worse for wear.

STEPHANIE (o.s.) Mike! Are you all right?

Panel 2: Mike looks nonchalant, while a now forty-year-old Stephanie checks him out concernedly. She's a cop, as her uniform shows.

MIKE: I'm always all right, Mom.

STEPHANIE: I know, Mike. I'm just being motherly.

STEPHANIE: What the hell happened to you, anyway?

Panel 3: Mike has taken his glasses off. Stephanie looks even more concerned.

MIKE: Some school bully called "Rocky" or something was pushing me around.

STEPHANIE: And you let him?

Panel 4: Mike looks like he's quoting something. Stephanie looks embarrassed.

MIKE: "Now, Mike, I want you to remember something. You have to hide how strong you are, or people will be afraid of you."

STEPHANIE: I said that, didn't I?

Panel 5: Mike is still quoting.

MIKE: You also said, "But when the time is right, you must use your powers to help mankind."

MIKE: I don't know about you, Mom, but I hate having to wait for that.

PAGE 8

Panel 1: Int. shot of a factory. Billionaire Michael Chandler and his sixteen-year-old daughter Beverly are touring the facility. Chandler's in his forties/fifties, with graying dark hair. He wears glasses and looks mildly corrupt. Beverly is the classic spoiled "popular girl", and has blond hair, fair skin and blue eyes.

CAPTION: Sixteen years from now...

CHANDLER: This, Beverly, will all be yours when I'm gone: Chandler Industries, a multi-billion-dollar empire.

BEVERLY: It doesn't look like much, father.

CHANDLER: Pay attention, now. We're developing fuels for space exploration. We're a nation addicted to oil, and it's estimated the world will run out of it years from now.

Panel 2: Two delivery guys move a heavy crate. One bangs into Beverly, knocking her over a railing.

DELIVERY GUY #1: Watch it!

DELIVERY GUY #2: Sorry!

BEVERLY: Ohh!...

CHANDLER (o.s.): Beverly!

Panel 3: Beverly has fallen onto a tank of liquid nitrogen. It's ruptured although not completely crumpled, and the super-cold liquid/gas is spewing from the cracks.

CHANDLER (o.s.): She's fallen on the liquid nitrogen!

CHANDLER (ditto): Get her out of there, or I'll have your heads!

Panel 4: The two delivery guys and Chandler have formed a human chain.

CHANDLER: My daughter injured, and months of work ruined! I don't know which makes me angrier!

DELIVERY GUY #1: We're sorry, already! Geez!

DELIVERY GUY #2: I got her! I'm pulling her up...

Panel 5: Michael Chandler's holding the frozen Beverly in his arms. He's looking supremely upset. The delivery guys are running for it.

CHANDLER: Get out! Get out, or I'll have you arrested!

CHANDLER: Oh, God, Beverly, not you...

Panel 6: Beverly's right eye has opened. It's radiating an ice-blue glow.

CHANDLER (o.s.): Beverly?...

PAGE 9

Panel 1: Beverly is holding a flower in her hand. It's dead, as if from cold.

SANDY (o.s.) Beverly? Come on...

Panel 2: We have pulled back to reveal the ice-white Beverly, and Sandy, one of the less attractive and popular girls. We're also shown our establishing shot: the outside of a high school (not necessarily the one we saw before). Sandy's trying to make nice, but Beverly's too preoccupied with the flower.

SANDY: ...we're gonna be late.

SANDY: Look, Beverly, I heard about your accident. I want you to know that we all feel bad about what happened.

Panel 3: Beverly's turning the dead flower in her hands, not really listening.

SANDY (o.s.): I was thinking, maybe we could get a second chance to be friends. Maybe we could go out to a movie or something.

SANDY (ditto): Look, you could at least listen to me. I'm trying to be nice to you.

Panel 4: Beverly is now looking at the off-panel Sandy, out of the corner of her glowing eyes. A demented smirk is on her face.

SANDY (o.s.) Unless maybe you want us to make bitchy jokes about you being an "ice princess" or something...

BEVERLY: "Ice princess"?

Panel 5: Sandy has been frozen alive, a silent scream of agony on her face.

Panel 6: Beverly pushes the frozen Sandy down, literally shattering her.

Panel 7: Beverly trots off to class.

BEVERLY: What an odd turn of phrase.

PAGE 10

Panel 1: The McMahon Van, a sort of small camper/RV owned by the McMahons, has entered Washington. Unfortunately, they have also come up against a police blockade.

STEPHANIE (o.s., inside the van): Huh? The hell --

Panel 2: Stephanie, now in her forties/fifties (but in such good shape, she looks like she's in her thirties) leans out of the driver's seat to talk to a cop.

STEPHANIE: What the hell's going on here?

COP: The whole square's been blocked off. All the national monuments -- everything.

Panel 3: Stephanie has just pulled out her badge.

STEPHANIE: Why?

Panel 4: The cop looks reluctant.

COP: We don't wanna panic anyone, but there's been reports that a nuclear missile has been launched from a hidden site. We think it's the Rockies...

STEPHANIE: Iraqis?

COP: No, the Rockies, in Colorado. That's where we think the site is.

Panel 5: A fifteen-year-old Mike is looking out another window.

MIKE: I see it, Mom. It looks like it's headed for the Washington Monument.

Panel 6: Stephanie is looking horrified.

STEPHANIE: Jesus Christ...if it hits, it'll wipe out the White House, the Capitol Building...everything.

Panel 7: Cutting back to Mike, looking determined.

MIKE: You know how you always told me about "when the time is right?"

MIKE: I'd say that's right now.
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Radical
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Re: Radicals!

Postby Radical » Sat Jul 11, 2009 10:03 am

PAGE 11

Panel 1: Mike has jumped out the door and is running at super-speed.

STEPHANIE: Mike, no --

COP: What the hell's that?

Panel 2: Stephanie looks embarrassed.

STEPHANIE: My son.

STEPHANIE: Whom I never told I meant "in secret".

Panel 3: Mike surges toward the Washington Monument.

CAPTION: I can't fly. I never developed that power for some reason.

Panel 4: Mike "wall-runs" up the side of the Monument.

CAPTION: I'm fast as hell, though.

CAPTION: I keep under six hundred mph just in case, to avoid making sonic booms.

Panel 5: Mike has reached the top of the Monument, and leaps off.

CAPTION: And I can jump real far, too.

CAPTION: Add invulnerability and super-strength --

PAGE 12

Panel 1: Mike grabs the nuke. It's relatively small, but he's struggling with it.

CAPTION: -- and maybe I can pull this off.

CAPTION: Whoa! Maybe not.

Panel 2: The nuke's slamming Mike back into the Washington Monument. He's still between the two, though.

CAPTION: Apparently there are certain physical laws even I'm subject to.

Panel 3: Close-up on Mike's face as it scrunches with determination.

CAPTION: But I'll be damned if I let them stop me.

Panel 4: Mike begins to slide down the Monument, still holding the missile. It's held at an angle, pointing it as far from its target as possible.

CAPTION: Too many people are counting on it...especially Mom.

PAGE 13

Panel 1: Mike's feet have touched the ground.

Panel 2: Mike is holding the missile, the rocket of which has gone out. This shot should be big, as dramatic as possible.

MIKE: There. It's out of fuel.

MIKE: Now, could someone get a bomb squad or something, so I can put this thing down?

PAGE 14

Panel 1: Stephanie is in the foreground, with an I-can't-believe-he-did-that expression. In the background are cops, reporters, tourists, etc. looking somewhere between awe-struck and just plain stunned.

Panel 2: Same as Panel 1, except everyone's smiling and clapping their hands.

STEPHANIE: Ah, what the hell.

Panel 3: Center-of-page. Stephanie and the others are cheering.

SFX: CLAPCLAPCLAPetc.

STEPHANIE: You did it, son!

MIKE: Aw, c'mon, Mom! You're embarrassing me!

Panel 4: Cameraman holding camera. Female reporter giving orders, pointing at Mike o.s.

REPORTER: Zoom in!

REPORTER: No, no -- wrong angle, airhead! Over there!

Panel 5: Camera's POV, centered on Mike.

REPORTER (o.s.): Yeah, you got it! Right at that --

PAGE 15

Panel 1: "Screen" of a TV news program, close-up of Mike holding the nuke (and looking stressed).

REPORTER (o.s., electric): --teenage powerhouse responsible for stopping the missile. He...seems to be holding it in his bare hands. Whether this is a hoax or not has yet to be determined.

REPORTER (same): Sir! If it's safe, can we conduct an interview?

Panel 2: ECU on Mike, sweating and obviously uncomfortable.

MIKE: You might...wanna ask...later.

Panel 3: Mike and Stephanie are sitting on a couch in the camper, watching the program on TV.

TV: While the parties responsible for launching the missile are as yet unidentified, authorities say it is only a matter of time before positive identification is known. This is Linda Lovejoy, WRAD news.

STEPHANIE: I gotta hand it to you, you've arrived.

Panel 4: 3/4 angle on Stephanie and Mike. Stephanie's smiling; Mike's worried.

STEPHANIE: I should have told you -- when I said I wanted you to help mankind, I meant secretly.

MIKE: Are you mad at me?

STEPHANIE: Only for asking such a stupid question.

Panel 5: Close-up on Stephanie, looking misty-eyed yet smiling.

STEPHANIE: You saved millions of lives, prevented a nationwide panic, quite possibly averted World War III -- I couldn't be prouder if you were the President.

MIKE (o.s.): Yeah, well, give me twenty more years...

STEPHANIE: Ha, ha.

Panel 6: Stephanie and Mike are getting up from the couch.

STEPHANIE: C'mon, I'll make your favorite -- spaghetti and meatballs.

MIKE: I'll see if we still have any Parmesan cheese.

PAGE 16

CAPTION: Sixteen years and one day from now:

Panel 1: Carlos Domingo, now age fifteen, with gleaming nanotechnological limbs. A cynical smirk twists his handsome features.

TV VOICE (o.s.): I cannot believe this, it's too fantastic --

CARLOS: That's what they said about me, amigo.

Panel 2: Sharizad, age fifteen, is watching TV with a big smile of delight on her face.

TV VOICE (o.s.): ...he seems to have genuine superhuman powers...

SHARIZAD: Insh'allah! I knew I couldn't be the only one like me!

Panel 3: Beverly is watching TV. A slight frown crosses her features.

TV VOICE (o.s.): ...Authorities have taken away the missile he captured...

BEVERLY: Hmmm...

Panel 4: A shadowy figure watches TV in a darkened room. From what we can see, the figure is massively built, and has glowing red eyes.

TV VOICE (o.s.): He has been identified as Michael McMahon, from New Hampshire...

FIGURE: Ya don't say...

VOICE (o.s.): Rakim? Dinner's ready...

FIGURE: I'll be there in a minute, Mom.

BLURB: Next: THE AGE OF GODS AND MONSTERS
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Radical
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Re: Radicals!

Postby Radical » Tue Feb 23, 2010 1:09 am

...It's because this isn't based on an RP, is it?
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SilvercatMoonpaw
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Re: Radicals!

Postby SilvercatMoonpaw » Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:09 am

Possibly. Then again some other people have done well posting original stories on here: ZuluEchoNovember's "Oliver Smith" was pretty good. Some people just may not be interested in reading about what others do when they could be spending that time setting up their own game to run. *shrug*

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Re: Radicals!

Postby Michuru81 » Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:55 pm

SilvercatMoonpaw wrote:Possibly. Then again some other people have done well posting original stories on here: ZuluEchoNovember's "Oliver Smith" was pretty good. Some people just may not be interested in reading about what others do when they could be spending that time setting up their own game to run. *shrug*


Zulu's Oliver Smith is freakin' amazing. More to the point though: for me, it's hard to get past the format. A script format is akin to a set of instructions to guide the rest of the production team (in your case, a penciler, inker, letterer, ect...). The script sort of breaks the story's flow as we go from panel to panel and page to page. I'm not as caught in what's happening as I am where I am, in a sense. It's nothing against your writing; it's just difficult to read in the format it's in. :(
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Radical
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Re: Radicals!

Postby Radical » Fri Feb 26, 2010 6:20 am

Michuru81 wrote:Zulu's Oliver Smith is freakin' amazing. More to the point though: for me, it's hard to get past the format. A script format is akin to a set of instructions to guide the rest of the production team (in your case, a penciler, inker, letterer, ect...). The script sort of breaks the story's flow as we go from panel to panel and page to page. I'm not as caught in what's happening as I am where I am, in a sense. It's nothing against your writing; it's just difficult to read in the format it's in. :(


Yeah, well...it was initially a proposal for a comic idea. :oops:
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Radical
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Re: Radicals!

Postby Radical » Sun Aug 28, 2011 1:11 pm

I've made 3e versions of certain characters. Here's a sampling:

PROTECTOR (Michael McMahon)
PL 10/150 pp.

STR 10 STA 10 AGI 10 DEX 3 FGT 3 INT 5 AWE 6 PRE 5
(74 pp.)

Athletics 4 (+14)
Close Combat: Unarmed 7 (+10)
Expertise: Current Events 4 (+9)
Expertise: Pop Culture 5 (+10)
Expertise: Science 5 (+10)
Insight 5 (+11)
Investigation 5 (+10)
Perception 5 (+11)
Ranged Combat: Throwing 7 (+10)
Treatment 5 (+10)
(26 pp./52 ranks)

Enhanced AGI 5
Enhanced STA 5
Enhanced STR 5
Remote Sensing 3 (auditory, olfactory, visual; 3/rank)
(39 pp.)

Init.: +10
Throwing: +10 (ranged, Damage 10)
Unarmed: +10 (close, Damage 10)

Dodge: 10
Fortitude: 10
Parry: 10
Toughness: 10
Will: 10
(11 pp.)
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Radical
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Re: Radicals!

Postby Radical » Sun Aug 28, 2011 1:11 pm

SHARIZAD (Kashmira Raschim)
PL 10/150 pp.

STR 3 STA 5 AGI 6 DEX 5 FGT 6 INT 6 AWE 6 PRE 6
(86 pp.)

Close Combat: Unarmed 11 (+17)
Expertise: Current Events 9 (+15)
Expertise: Dancer 8 (+14)
Expertise: History 10 (+16)
Expertise: Law 9 (+15)
Expertise: Magic 8 (+14)
Persuasion 9 (+17)
Ranged Combat: Variable Effect 9 (+14)
Stealth 9 (+15)
(41 pp./82 ranks)

Attractive
(1 pp.)

Variable Effect 6 (blue genie flame, Flaws: Limited to spoken commands/requests, -1/rank; Removable (easily), -2/5 pp.
(22 pp.)

Init.: +6
Unarmed: +17 (close, Damage 3)
Variable Attack: +14 (ranged, Damage 6)

Dodge: 6*
Fortitude: 5*
Parry: 6*
Toughness: 5*
Will: 6*
(bonuses vary based on effects)
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Radical
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Re: Radicals!

Postby Radical » Sun Aug 28, 2011 1:13 pm

CYBERPUNK (Carlos Domingo)
PL 10/150 pp.

STR 5 STA 5 AGI 5 DEX 5 FGT 6 INT 9 AWE 5 PRE 5
(72 pp.)

Close Combat: Unarmed 9 (+15)
Expertise: Streetwise 3 (+12)
Perception 3 (+8)
Ranged Combat: Blaster pistols 10 (+15)
Technology 3 (+12)
(14 pp./28 ranks)

Equipment 2 (blaster pistol, ranged Damage 5, Critical 20, 10 ep.)
(2 pp.)

Enhanced INT 9
Mind Reading 9 (Extra: Dynamic Alternate Effect: Mind Control, +2 pp.; Flaw: Limited to computers, -1/rank)
Regeneration 9
(38 pp.)

Init.: +5
Blaster Pistol: +15 (ranged, Damage 5)
Unarmed: +15 (close, Damage 5)

Dodge: 10
Fortitude: 10
Parry: 10
Toughness: 10
Will: 10
(24 pp.)

INVADER
PL 10/150 pp.

STR 5 STA 5 AGI 5 DEX 4 FGT 5 INT 4 AWE 5 PRE 4
(74 pp.)

Deception 7 (+11)
Expertise: Current Events 7 (+11)
Expertise: Science 7 (+11)
Intimidation 7 (+11)
Perception 7 (+12)
Persuasion 7 (+11)
Ranged Combat: Blaster pistols 11 (+15)
Stealth 7 (+12)
Technology 8 (+12)
Vehicles 8 (+12)
(39 pp./78 ranks)

Equipment 2 (blaster pistol, ranged Damage 5, Critical 20, 10 ep.)
(2 pp.)

Shapeshifting 3
Teleport 5
(34 pp.)

Init.: +5
Blaster Pistol: +15 (ranged, Damage 5)
Unarmed: +5 (close, Damage 5)

Dodge: 5*
Fortitude: 5*
Parry: 5*
Toughness: 5*
Will: 5*
(bonuses vary based on shape)
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Diamond
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Re: Radicals!

Postby Diamond » Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:33 am

Hmm, it's not the most original of works, however, as a test of scripting, it's really, really good. I'd love to work off that if I was an artist. Very straight forward.

Theres something about the opening scene thats kind of Warren Ellis, and thats not a bad thing. :D

I hope to see more in the future, get on it, it's the back end of 2011!

Radical
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Re: Radicals!

Postby Radical » Mon Dec 19, 2011 6:10 am

Diamond wrote:Hmm, it's not the most original of works, however, as a test of scripting, it's really, really good. I'd love to work off that if I was an artist. Very straight forward.

Theres something about the opening scene thats kind of Warren Ellis, and thats not a bad thing. :D

I hope to see more in the future, get on it, it's the back end of 2011!


Thanks for the compliments! :)
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