Some of my Artwork

[urbwar]

I use to do commissions for small Role-Playing game companies and other gamers, my prices from what I was told later was beyond dirt-cheap since i had never really been comfrotable for charging all that much for my artwork (in fact when i was at conventions I had a sign that said "Will Draw for Food" and "Please Don't Feed the Artist" with the "Don't" marked out in bright red marker and that's how I covered my expenses at many a convention back in the day).

Now... after the accident, and the tramuatic brain injury from what happened... i just don't think my artwork is as good as it use to be. So I draw when I get inspired and I draw what I like and want to see! in hopes that others can enjoy them.

I don't know if you've posted art from before your injury, but I have to say that your art has improved since you first started posting here (and the early pieces were good too). I can honestly say that I feel your art is as good as (and in some cases) better than art I've seen from other artists who have done art for small press rpg companies.

I wouldn't mind discussing some commissions down the road if you ever feel interested.

[American_Patriot]

You're kidding right? Or being modest? Your work is stunning.

Unfortunately Bladewind, I'm serious...

I look at my work, and it just doesn't seem as good as it was. since i use to be inspired to draw all the time... but now it's coming in fits and spots. If i'm not inspired, the stuff i try to draw looks like... well, it's not pretty. and it usually ends up in the bad sketch bin.

[American_Patriot]

I don't know if you've posted art from before your injury, but I have to say that your art has improved since you first started posting here (and the early pieces were good too). I can honestly say that I feel your art is as good as (and in some cases) better than art I've seen from other artists who have done art for small press rpg companies.

I wouldn't mind discussing some commissions down the road if you ever feel interested.

I would like that...

[Libra]

Patriot, please keep working at your art; what you've drawn up thus far is much too good for us to permit you to stop drawing and if anything I suspect that what troubles you most is a lack of confidence in your own strengths (not surprising given the knocks you've taken). Don't worry about what the public might think and don't let your own worries drag you down into inactivity; just keep working to build up your strength and skills back to your old levels, because once you've reached that point you might very well be able to surpass your old levels of skill (practice doesn't make you perfect, but it DOES help you better yourself).

I cannot claim to have experienced a similar crisis of health, but I have experienced more than one crisis of confidence in my creativity and I know that the only way work through that sort of thing is to keep working out your ideas in private until your inspiration catches fire again, allowing you to forge something you're happy to submit for the attention of the viewing public. Don't be afraid, just keep doing your best and you're sure to do well!

On a less serious note, if you're looking for some inspiration feel free to borrow from any of the various articles I've contributed to multiple threads, because quite frankly I can't draw a line and I don't see why that should stop SOMEONE giving those characters the illustration they deserve!

Stay well and get better!

[Bladewind]

Unfortunately Bladewind, I'm serious...

I look at my work, and it just doesn't seem as good as it was. since i use to be inspired to draw all the time... but now it's coming in fits and spots. If i'm not inspired, the stuff i try to draw looks like... well, it's not pretty. and it usually ends up in the bad sketch bin.

Ah. Now it makes a more sense to me. What you do draw is great. it's what you don't post that's getting you down a little.

In that case, I reiterate what Libra said. Just keep at it !

[American_Patriot]

thanks guys.

i really appreciate it.

[Libra]

Well I think it's safe to say that we really like your artwork, so it's only fair that we show our appreciation!

[American_Patriot]

I will guys.

if anyone wants to know what happened, and hear how I came back from it. I will be more than happy to share the story. but i will warn that it's one of the kinds of things that most people can't understand how or why I was able to do it. Heck, when they see the pics of what i looked like at the time... they can't believe I survived it.

but i did, not by my own desire. but because i was sent back. that no matter how much i begged to stay, the man with kind eyes said he wasn't finished with me. and he was sorry that i had to go back. I fought to walk again to be with my 'wife' and sons. only to have that taken from me after i was able to walk again two years ahead of what doctors felt would have been safe. And it's THAT pain, the pain of losing my sons... that is the worse pain in the world. There is no pain anywhere near like this.

it's a story of woe, but it's also a story of someone who hasn't given up. whose body has been broken, but his spirit is still whole and stronger now than it ever was before.

it's a story i keep getting told needs to be in a book, but I haven't been able to write it... if i could fin a ghost writer to help me write this story. I would have it as a book. so that others could know that the only thing that stops you. Is you.

[Libra]

Let us hope that this was the most painful period of your life, so that you may say that at least it is behind you for the rest of it.

[American_Patriot]

Let us hope that this was the most painful period of your life, so that you may say that at least it is behind you for the rest of it.

Oh do i wish this was true. A father whose life revolved around his children, looses them... not even allowed to talk to them... that is a pain that will only end when there is a nock on the door.... and it's them saying "Daddy, I'm home." many a night I go to bed crying... heck, commericals make me cry. Especially the Friskies commericals, because the boys loved watching those cats. And their laughter was so wonderful. And i miss that so very much. all the videos Ihave of them, are old digitals that didn't have sound. so i can't have that wonder memory strenghtened by watching them. though watching them running around the house with a string so their kittens could chase after them makes me smile and cry. it's the highlight of my day. I turn my computer on, and i see their loving faces. i have a picture of them by my side so they are the first thing i see in the morning, and the last i see before i finally fall asleep.

it's a pain i would never wish on anyone. for it's a pain without end, without repreve. it does not fade, but grows as the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years tick pass.

So take if from my pain. if you have your loved ones, your children near... hold them to you dearly, do nothing to harm them, or make them sad. for your children are your most precious and wonderful of possessions. They are the one thing you can never live without. for God is always with you, even when you don't acklowege him. He's there waiting for you to ask for his strength. but even with that strength added to yours... you still miss your children. and you still greive for being a lesser being for them not to be in your life.

England has no rights for a father, even when the children are American... and their mother took them there illegally. he has no recompense for aid. believe me, i've tried since 2009 to get just the right to see them. and it's all in her hands and power to allow me or not to see or talk to them.

So love your children. hold them close and never forget that there is a broken man who misses his children so much. that he even misses changing the smelliest and nastiest of nappies. That he misses reading Curious Geroge to his baby monkeys as he gets them ready for bed.

Love them. because you still can. and all i can do, it tell you have fortunate you are. and warn you of the pain of loosing them. and i cant let anyone else feel this pain. love your children. please hug them as i wish i could hug mine. tell them you love them as I wish i could tell mine.

this is the pain that doesn't go away. i beg you, don't end up like me. you don't want this burden. but i would take this burden for an enterinity if it ment no one else went through it.

[Bladewind]

As a parent, I find that heart wrenching. Curse me for reading it right before answering my phone...

No one should have to endure that.... If I could lift your burden even for a day...

[American_Patriot]

Thank you Bladewind.

Love your children, hug them and kiss them. tel them how much you love them. And that will make this pain worth it. because if seeing my pain, my misery... makes others take heart and show their children how important they are. and raise them knowing that they can do something and only they can limit themselves. that they have to fight for, and earn everything they have.... it makes this pain worth it.

Today i took a walk, and it hit me...

"With Love comes Pain. With Pain comes Wisdom. With Wisdom comes Understanding. With Understanding comes Acceptance. With Acceptance comes Peace... and with Peace comes Love." - Richard A. Spake

Everything starts and ends with LOVE. and it's the place of us humans whom must find a way to remain in that grace that is love.

I miss being held and hearing someone telling me they love me. but i miss the sounds of my children's laughter. and something most dont know, is that each child's laughter is unique... and you can tell the difference between them as they laugh. and if that laughter is tied to you... its the most wonderful sound ever heard.

and to me, this wisdom has taught me what it must be like to be God. he is the father of us all.. and he loves us, and watches over us. and just wants to hear that we love him. and that we believe in him and ask for his help getting through our pain and distress. And it's been with his grace that i've been able to find the strength to get through all this. They say God only puts upon you what you an handle. And there are times I wish he wouldn't think me superman. but i keep going forward, and i haven't stopped yet.

[Libra]

I hope and trust that He will be with you.

[American_Patriot]

He is always with us, we just have to allow ourselves to see his assistance and help.

Thank you guys... i needed this talk. this chance to share my hurt so others will see what is precious and appreciate it. and if my pain has done this... it makes it worth it.

[American_Patriot]

Totally unrelated to my artwork... but something good that happened today!

Over six months ago I paid for the Marvel Cinematic Universe Phase One special that was put out for the Avengers... mainly got it for the Blu-Ray disks and special features hoping that it would have the blueprints of the Helicarrier that we've seen used in various other media. Well, it arrived EARLY this morning. And it's so cool that its not even funny. The prop extras are pretty cool. There are folders for Iron Man, Thor, Hulk & Captain America... and a folder about some of the things dealing with SHIELD (the cosmic cube, Black Widow & Hawkeye and perhaps the one thing that brought a tear to my eye... the business card of one Phillip J. Coulson). There is a SHIELD Passkey inculded in the props, and a really quaint way to sign into a website to get some bonus glimpses at what is coming with Phase Two (behind the scenes views of what's happening on Thor 2, Iron Man 3 and Captain America 2: Winter Soldier). And the talks going on with the pre-production for Avengers 2.

When i get a chance, and if anyone wants them... I'll take some pictures of everything and share them here.

Now my insomnia is going to be a benefit over the next couple of days... I've got days worth of viewing coming.

On a side note, my DC Direct Hawkgirl figure come about an hour later... and she's looking great on the counter-top beside the head of my bed.


So, it's been a really good day! The only thing that would make it better... getting to talk to my sons.